


kids flash guitars just like switch-blades hustling for the record machine

by buckybunnyteeth



Series: Flashvibe week(s) 2k16 [5]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Bad Flirting, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 03:32:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6837487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckybunnyteeth/pseuds/buckybunnyteeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Watch?” Cisco asks and pops back up to lean on the bar across from his two friends, “Is the flasher back, or is it that ridiculously hot police man again?”</p><p>“Neither,” Patty answers, her face caught between amusement and sympathy, “Worse, kinda.”</p><p>“The worst date in the history of dates.” </p><p> </p><p>Flashvibe Week Friday 13th/Day 5; Fake Dating AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	kids flash guitars just like switch-blades hustling for the record machine

“My mom always said, 'Don't date a guy who thinks he's prettier than you.'” - Alicia Keys

 

“Oh my god.”

“I know right?”

“This is like watching a car crash.”

“That’s probably insensitive.”

“Am I wrong?”

“…No. You are not.”

“Oh lord did he just go for-”

“He is not into it.”

“Wow. I am a little embarrassed to be seeing this.”

Cisco comes around the corner, drops the case of wine bottles on the bar and glares at the two women.

“Its alright, Cisco,” he gripes as he starts to put the bottles away, “you don’t need our help or anything, I mean it’s not like it’s your day off or anything-“

“Shhh!” Shawna hushes and slaps him in the arm, “Just watch.”

“Watch?” Cisco asks and pops back up to lean on the bar across from his two friends, “Is the flasher back, or is it that ridiculously hot police man again?”

“Neither,” Patty answers, her face caught between amusement and sympathy, “Worse, kinda.”

“The worst date in the history of dates,” Shawna answers, unashamed of her behavior, and motions across the bar.

Cisco follows the direction of her hand to where two men are sitting in a booth across from each other. His eyes are naturally drawn to the younger one, because he is particularly handsome and exactly Cisco’s type. Lanky, and handsome, the side of his head freshly shaved in that hipster style that really does it for Cisco. The red quilted bomber jacket brings out his eyes … his very much panicked eyes which are currently focused on the creepy man in front of.

The creepy guy is much much older than the dude, blonde, dressed all in black and wearing a very intense look that makes Cisco think of scary news reports and police chases. 

As he is watching the Creepy guy reaches out and places his hand on the handsome guys own, only for him to jerk back out of the touch like it burned him.

“Oh my god,” Cisco says in hushed sympathy, “That’s painful to watch.”

“I know right,” Shawna laughs and Cisco would be angry if he couldn’t see her gripping her switch blade through her jacket pocket. He’s also pretty sure Patty has 911 half entered into her phone. 

“I think he might be Iris’s friend,” Patty says when she comes back from serving a customer, “he has a really old kind of name. Bert? Bernard?”

“Barry?” Shawna tries.

“That’s it!” Patty beams, “Barry. You know he’s the one that was on the news way back when, when his mum was killed.”

Cisco winces. He’s heard Iris talk about Barry, her bff since birth or whatever, a few times. She’s always going on about how he’s trying to be a writer, and how he saves puppies from trees and the sun shines out of his ass. She talks about him like he can cure cancer with his smile, so Cisco is pretty confident he doesn’t deserve to be on a date with Creepy McCreep Face right now. 

He heaves a weary sigh and pulls his apron off.

“What are you doin’, Paco?” Shawna asks as he rounds the bar.

“I can’t just let this happen to the guy. A) Iris would kill me and B) you know I have a weak heart.”

“Heart-shmart,” Shawna jeers, “You have a hero complex and that guy fits your type, hombre.”

“It’s noble,” Patty beams, “I like it. I’ll get the first aid kit.”

“The guy’s not that much bigger than me!”

Patty winces in a way that says ‘he really is’ and skitters into the back room.

Cisco rolls his eyes and turns away.

“Better not get your pretty face messed up, Paco!” Shawna laughs after him, “We have a show tomorrow night!”

Cisco would flip her off if he didn’t like her so much. And if she didn’t have a knife.

He approaches the table and watches as Barry jumps in a way that says he just had an unwelcome foot pressed up against his junk. 

“-it’s just a short walk from here, so if you wanna get out of here-“ McCreeperson is in the middle of saying when Cisco makes it up to their table.

Barry’s eyes snap up to him and he looks startled but also scream; ‘thank god you’re here, please don’t leave me here with this guy!’

Creepy’s eyes are cold and hard and make something in Cisco’s brain very scared.

“Barry!” Cisco announces with a grin, making said man jump in surprise, “I’ve been looking for you everywhere, dude. HI, I’m Cisco.”

Creeper ignores Cisco’s outstretched hand and continues to glare up at him.

“Cisco,” Mr Creepy town says threateningly, drawing out the word, “Who exactly are you?”

“he’s uh-” Barry squawks, obviously panicking, “He’s, um, my ah-”

“Boyfriend,” Cisco supplies, hoping his grin is more confident than he is feeling right now, “I’m Barry’s boyfriend, so if you don’t mind man-”

“Boyfriend,” Creepy-petes says with a dark grin, “if he has a boyfriend then why is he here on a date with me?”

Cisco shrugs while Barry quakes in his boots.

“Ah you know, Iris set it up because he hasn’t told his family or friends about us yet, what with his homophobic dad and all, so there was all this miscommunication. And you know how Barry is, too sweet to turn somebody down.”

Barry squeaks something that may have been an agreement. The Creep continues to look up at Cisco but doesn’t call out any of his lies so Cisco is relieved he was right in thinking this was all Iris’s doing. She needs to vet her blind dates better. 

“So yeah, dude, I don’t know what to tell you,” Cisco says with a shrug, leaning his arm against Barry’s shoulder, “We’ll make sure to clue Iris in after this, cautionary tale and all, but I’ll be taking Barry now if you don’t mind.”

He meets Barry’s eyes and after a few aborted hand gestures he jumps up out of his seat and wraps a very nice arm around Cisco’s shoulders

“Yeah um, Sorry, Jay. I was gonna tell you but-” Barry stumbles and bites his lip in a sorry expression, “-um, better luck next time?”

He says it like a question and Cisco has to physically strain himself to keep from laughing. He pulls the arm around his shoulder down so he can hold Barry’s hand and begins to pull him away from C.R.E.E.P aka Jay.

Except that Jay destroys this plan by standing up, and he is a huge guy my god. His face is twisted in fury and he is physically blocking their path and Cisco is going to have to apologize to Iris for getting punched in the face and for failing to save her bff from a creepy date. 

“I don’t think you understand,” Jay says lowly, dangerously and wow why would Iris ever set up this date my god, “Barry is coming with me, boyfriend or no boyfriend, which I don’t think you even are. So you can either walk away now or I can make y-”

He cuts of when a rainbow metal knife flies past, clips his ear and buries itself in the wall behind them.

Cisco flicks his head around to see Shawna standing at the bar, three more knives in his fist while she twirls another. Behind her Patty is on the phone, face stern as she reports exactly what Jay looks like. 

Cisco grins despite his fear.

“And I think that is your official life time ban,” he tells Jay with a shit eating grin, “Please feel free to never set foot in Reverb or any of her associated bars and restaurants ever again, please and thank you, buh bye now.” 

The whole Bar watches as a fuming Jay glares, snarls and stomps out of the place, face dripping with slowly oozing blood. 

As soon as the door swings closed Barry collapses against his side.

“My Dad’s not homophobic,” is the first real thing Barry says to him.

“What?”

“You said he was, and he’s not and- I just thought you would like to know.”

Cisco frowns up at him.

“Alright.”

For a second everything is still and then Barry’s face folds as the shock of what just happened finally hits him.

“Oh my god thank you,” he pants like Cisco just saved his life, which he may have, “I didn’t know what I was going to do, he was nothing like Iris said he was and he kept making these weird sexual innuendos with violent undertones and I thought I was going to have to will on violent diarrhea or something to get him to leave- not that I can actually do that, but I was praying it would happen. And then you showed up and I think I could literally hear angles singing I was so relieved-“

“Alright, buddy,” Cisco chuckles and pats Barry’s hyperventilating chest, “Let’s get you something sugary for the shock. C’mon.”

Barry follows him without complaint, hand still clutching Cisco’s like a life line. Which Cisco doesn’t mind. This guy has really nice hands. 

He leads him over to the bar where Patty has a glass or coke waiting for him. He nods his thanks to Shawna and wonders how angry Armando is going to be about the knife hole in his wall.

“So, you gotta tell me what Iris was thinking when she set you up with that creep.”

“Apparently he’s really sweet whenever he’s around her, and she was just trying to help me get over- hey you really know Iris?”

“Yeah dude,” Cisco says, rounding the bar so he can order some food for himself and Barry, “We’re in a Band together.”

“Oh my g- you’re that Cisco!”

“Yeah,” Cisco laughed, “I thought I owed it to my band mate to save her bff from a scary ass date.”

Barry blushes and ducks his head.

“So, uh, what’s the band’s name this week?”

“…Iris and the Meta-humans. I think this ones gonna stick though, we’ve kept it for a month now.”

Barry laughs and Cisco really likes that sound.

“Sounds like Josie and the Pussycats. Are you the singer?”

“Iris and I switch. Shawna, with the knives, she’s our drummer and our fourth member, Bette, she’s our bassist. None of us are very good at writing songs though.”

“Oh! Well, maybe I could help,” Barry says and then his blush gets worse, “I mean I’m trying to be a writer, books and stuff, but I could give it a go if you want? Iris has never let me come to one of your shows, she’s kind of a perfectionist but-“

“Sure,” Cisco interrupts, smiling, “I would love that, actually.”

Barry grins and its Cisco’s turn to blush.

“Um- how about you start by coming to our show tomorrow night?”

“Cool, yeah … and maybe we could go out to dinner after?”

Cisco goes a little slack jawed.

“For real? After that train wreck of a date you were just on?”

Barry shrugs and his grin shifts into a warm smile.

“Well, you know, you’re handsome, and my dad’s not homophobic so…”

Cisco laughs.

“You’re dads not homophobic. Perfect reason to go to dinner with a guy.”

“Is that a yes?”

“…it’s an ‘ill see tomorrow when you’re not traumatized and after you’ve heard me sing.’”

Barry giggles.

“Okay. I can live with that.”

Across the Bar Shawna gags while Patty coos.

“Nerds.”

**Author's Note:**

> I got really invested in this Au, this was meant to be so short but then I started thinking about the band. i got sucked in. dose this qualify as Fake dating????
> 
> also shawna and patty are totally girlfriends. fight me about it.


End file.
